Story Idea - Soul Survival

Based on Taoist? idea that we don't automatically have a soul to survive our life, we have to develop one.

What if this is true? That most people that just drift along in their life do not leave behind a coherent soul that survives - it just kind of 'pops' and the essences that made up that individual return to the well of being. So there is this idea that through rigorous self-awareness, self-work and hewing to some path the soul is built up as a pearl builds around the the original irritation of a grit of sand.

The grit is the questions we all seem to be born with. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? Why is there injustice? What should I do? And so on.

I always assumed that if there was anything to this idea the souls that were so created to continue on to another existence, whether on another plane, or incarnating in this world again were 'good' or value free. (Not a big believer in good and evil.) But what if these souls indeed follow a 'good' or 'evil' path? Or selfish or selfless - some sort of Manichean progress... And with each incarnation, if the work continues the souls become more powerful, more unfocussed? And this is where the good God and the evil Devil come from?

Not proposing this as a basis for religious belief, but it might make an interesting story...

Sam - end

Then there was Jim. Now Jim's the youngest and he always did have the craziest hard luck stories that still somehow made some kind of sense. Even if you didn't believe them, they were always entertaining. He was going to stick with the Navy but got up to some trouble and never really stuck to anything after that. He's always got some get rich quick scheme brewing.

He used to ask me pretty regular to put some money into one of the other of them. Don't hear so much more about it now. Not sure if he's calming down or he just gave up asking. I never did say yes to any of 'em. With Tom I almost felt bad about not helping him out with his gizmo. But Jim, I hardly gave it a second thought. Like I said, I'd already started thinking I might have a use for all that money.

I'd already started to get a bit clearer in my head about how I felt. First off, I finally realized that there was something bothering me. You should have need to meet my dad, and his father to understand what a big deal that is. Somewhere along the road I ran into this saying, "I think, therefore I am." To my way of understanding that has something to do with how we know we exist. Don't look surprised, I may be a cracker, but I ain't no stale cracker! Ever'body wonders about that sometimes, growing up. Some of us keep wondering, growing old.

Well, according to that, some people know it because they think. I bet a whole lot more, especially lately, the way folks are getting, would say, "I feel, therefore I am." It's all about "I feel this", and "you feel that," and "ow, he looked at me funny" nowadays. The school I grew up in, it was "I do, therefore I am." IT didn't matter so much what you did or thought, the way my pop judged me was what I DID. And I took that to heart. It's only in the last few years, when it's mostly just been me kicking around in this old house, that I've had the time to consider that a bit. It occurs to me that maybe I've had a feelin' or two that mattered to me. Well - that's really what this whole story is about, ain't it?

Where was I? Oh yeah, my point was that to realize I had a feelin' and that it mattered enough to me to do something kinda crazy about it, well, that was what I'd call a big step forward to me. Or maybe not, anyway - I realized it was all about that damn field for me. I needed it next to me, like Lulu would be going into town when she was around.

I knew not one person would agree with my idea so I kept it to myself. I called on a few lawyers and some engineers and got it clearly sketched out in my mind. On paper too. I still got the plans all rolled up around here somewhere. You wouldn't believe what those pieces of paper cost. I got all the permits and whatnot lined up.

Well, if you ain't guessed it by now you ain't as bright as you look. Yep, I built that overpass runs right into that field over yonder. Took just about every last dime I had. Course I kept a little back. I told you about how to stay a farmer earlier, and I'm still a farmer. But boy did that P.O. my boys. I'm not gonna mention what folks round here thought. You can imagine. And I guess I do miss hearing from them a bit, although I think mebbe they're starting to thaw out a little, Jim especially - he always did have the attention span of a chicken.

So was it worth it? Hell yes. The day that thing was finished and they'd pulled off the trucks, the crews, and the noise, I got up, walked across in my pajamas, peering down at the odd car rolling underneath, walked into my field and started pokin' at plants. Heaven.

---

I'll be damned if it wasn't only after I finished the whole gee willikers thing it occurred to me I coulda just bought that other land right next to my field. And build a whole new house there for peanuts. Yes, my family has lived in this house for generations, but I ain't sentimental like that. Oh well, easy come, easy go.

Sam - part 4

And I just kept on, like I'd been keepin' on. I didn't figure things would change too much up until the day I died. Don't get me wrong - I wasn't living in misery, not like that. I had my friends, I had my work. I knew my boys were safe. But I was separated from the thing that, God help me, I was most connected to, that land. So this and that. Well, then the thing is I won the lottery.

Now I don't buy lots of lottery tickets, I'm not rich enough to pay the dumb tax every week. But once in a while, as the mood strikes me, I'll pick one up. Half the time I forget to stop by the gas station and check to see if I got lucky. In fact that's what happened when I won. Wilma down the gas station put out the word that the winner bought the ticket from her store but nobody had claimed it yet. Well, I hadn't heard about that but I stopped by to get gas one day and we get to talking. So I dug my ticket out of my old wallet and if it didn't have those same numbers on it!

So bam! Just like that I was the richest man in these parts. Haw. If that didn't perk folks up a bit when they saw me. Why, I was talking to people I hadn't hardly seen in years. I'd be in town walking across the street to the hardware store and they'd strike up a conversation and the next thing you know we were the best of friends and why don't you come by for dinner? Well by the time folks got the idea in their head that, no, I wasn't real interested in sure-fire investment opportunities and, no, I didn't happen to have a spare couple thousand dollars lying around to help them out with whatever circumstance they happened to have dinged up against just lately, that just kinda tapered off and we all started to sort of ignore each other again, the way God intended.

So that's the story with me and the town folks, but I gotta tell you about Jim and Tom and how things went from distant to frosty between my boys and me. I sent them each fifty thousand dollars. And told them not to be thinking of that as the first installment of more to come. Turned out they didn't see it just that same way.

Now Tom, he's the one went to college, ended up moving to that left coast but up north, Seattle, least he wasn't looney enough to go to California. Works for Microsoft there. But when I called him up once or twice to help me out with this damn computer, he didn't seem to know how to get around that thing much better then I do, so how good can he be at his job? Well good enough they haven't fired him I guess, so maybe there's more to it than I know about.

He had this great idea for some gizmo to put on the internet. He told me all about it, but it just went right over my head. So turns out he wants me to be an angel for his start-up, so I told him to talk English. We went around and around that a while. Anyway turns out he wanted me to give him just about every penny I had then if he was lucky and he could talk more people into giving him lots more money down the road a bit and he stayed lucky - he might just be able to give me my money back. And and a whole lot more, more money than I'd know what to do with. But he couldn't say when that would be.

So I told him I already had more money then I knew what to do with, and I could get at it just down the road there, in town when the bank was open. Any time I needed it. Let me tell you there's one thing I know about farming and money. Every year ain't the same. You show me a farmer that don't keep a good chunk of cash stashed away for the lean years, and you come back ten years later that man isn't a farmer. Least not on his own farm no more. So I wasn't going to bleed myself out so Tom could build his gizmo. I wished him well, but I'm not a gambling man. So he starts in on how I could come in on at least a share of his business, but by then I'd started getting an inkling of what I could do with that lottery money and I had the feeling I'd need just about all of it.

Then there was Jim. Now Jim's the youngest and he always did have the craziest hard luck stories that still somehow made some kind of sense. Even if you didn't believe them, they were always entertaining. 

Sam - part 3

It didn't seem like a big deal at first, jump in the truck and I'm there in 10 minutes and things went on. But it started to naggle at me. That's when I started to get, how do I say it? Cranky. I suppose I always had a bit more of that than most folks but it really started to come out then.


I never knew til I couldn't just walk there what a hold that land has on me. Things seemed off. Felt like I couldn't get away form people going "yap yap yap". I felt closed in. I didn't really know it at the time. It's thinking on it all these years that I can put it into words, now. I was just a mite more crotchety. 


That's when the boys were in high school that road went in. They never took to the land, couldn't wait to get the high tailed heck out of here. They'd help some then, but I had to chase'm around so much to get them out there it was hardly worth the trouble. One went to college, the other to the Navy and they don't come back much since their ma died. She was always the one to make it homey, make you feel welcome. Never had much talent that way.


Well and the boys and I just drifted apart. Well, you know the one that went to college got some crazy ideas. And the other one? He joined the NAVY. The navy don't come a thousand miles to here. I believe that was a big part of why he went that way. So I was saying they put that road down there and I had to drive out to get to work. And I swear before God, from that day forward I wasn't right. 


The boys grew up, moved on. Lulu passed a few years later. So it was just me. Getting up, getting in my truck. It wasn't that GMC I was talking about, I only got that summer before last. I was driving a beat up F-150. Ugly truck, but that thing just kept on going. Sold it to a fellow painted it bright red. I thought he'd lost his marbles, but it looked pretty good when he got done.


And I just kept on, like I'd been keepin' on. I didn't figure things would change too much up until the day I died.

Sam - part 2

When I first heard about the highway I thought it would be a good idea. you know, get some folks come through town, spend a few dollars, how can that hurt? I'd get up in the morning and head into the sunrise. Walk across the street, walk across the little pasture and there I was.

I rented that out, never had the feel for livestock. I thought about plowing it under, woulda doubled our crop, but I don't know - we got by pretty well, didn't figure I needed to take on more. But it was a nice walk of a morning.

Well, you could have knocked me over when I heard it was going right through here but hell, even then I had no idea just how big it'd be. So they came in here and tore the place up. Had to listen to engines running for a year seems like - maybe longer. It was a mess. But I figured once they moved on things would get back to normal, like.

So finally they move on and leave that fence. Now I can head up the road cross over and come back or head down the road cross over and come back. Probably doesn't seem like much to you, but I got to jump in the truck to do it. Sure, you can walk it and I said I don't like to work too hard, but don't start thinking I got a couple of extra hours a day laying around to go lollygagging around the countryside!

It didn't seem like a big thing at first, jump in the truck and I'm there in 10-15 minutes and things went on. But it started to naggle at me. That's when I started to get, how do I say it? Cranky. I suppose I always had a bit more of that than most folks but it really started to come out then.

Sam - part 1

Call me Sam. I'm a farmer, have been for over fifty years now. I guess I didn't do a lot of farming the first half dozen years or so... But I've been raising tobacco as long as I remember. Yeah, I said tobacco. People want it and there's money to be made growing it and I don't want to hear another word about it.

No, I don't kill people. People kill people. Haw. That's what they say about guns, isn't it? And it's true enough, I'd be proud to make a living building guns. As a machine, they're  quite cunning, ain't they? Always had a hankering to work metal. Funny for a farmer. Mind you, I am a mean hand with a torch and brazing rod. Rebuilt the better part of the body of my 1950 GMC pickup myself. You see it out there in the side yard?

Look at it now and you'd never know it spent most of it's life rusty at Timothy's old place down the road there. He was a mean cuss. I spent thirty years trying to talk that son of a bitch into selling it to me. Most of the time he just wouldn't think of it - he was "gonna fix that puppy up, ya know they ain't makin' any more  of  'em." Shit. The rest of the time he wanted more than it was worth.

You know what's the best revenge? Wait 'til the sucker dies and buy it for peanuts from his son that can't wait to move the hell away from this podunk town in the armpit of Missouri. Don't get me wrong, I love this place. But that's the way a lot of the kids here feel. Can't blame them. You know they grow up watching TV, and where does all the stuff happen on TV? I'll tell you, just about anywhere else but here in Weston.

So what was I saying? Yeah, about farming. No wait, wasn't I talking about tobacco? Heck, it's the same thing. I got corn, tomatoes and what not, but that's just my kitchen garden. Just about everybody grows that - what? Yeah, I guess I mean everybody around here. But what I farm is tobacco. My family's been here since they started growing tobacco in northwest Missouri. We always grew it. Might have brought it from Virginia, but that might just be stories. The family did come from there, though. I think it's true.

You don't just put it in the ground in the spring and chop it down in the fall though. You don't have to just weed it. You gotta go out there just about every day. And just look at it. Brush a bug off, pull some weeds. You only have to watch it - look at it every day and see what goes on, it'll start to tell you what needs to be done after a while.

I have to pay special care to my plants here. Back east they grow a hell of a lot more tobacco, but they're just gonna grind it up and stick it in a cigarette or tamp it down in a pipe. The leafs off the plants I grow, they wrap cigars with them. They have to look good. I gotta tell you though, for my own stock, I end up cutting'em up and rolling cigarettes with them anyway. I tried cigars - even a pipe! Rolling a cigarette, it's a little art on it's own. And you can make them big or small, depending on how you feel. I gotta tell ya though, sometimes I kinda feel like I'm pushing my luck. I hear little wheezes when I'm about to fall asleep, wonder where they're coming from and it turns out it's me...

Yeah - I said I don't kill people, not that tobacco's good for you. I'm not an idiot. Anyway, what was I talking about? I was talking about farming. I told you I'd still be doing it even if there were other jobs around here. My field has been in the hands of my family since we got here. Look out the front door - that's it, straight ahead. Yeah, I know it looks a little funny but I'll tell you about that.

So I go out there every day, hell sometimes I just wonder over there in my pajamas. A couple of times I got caught up in it and before you know it I've been there all day. I'd catch hell for that. Well, at least whiles there was someone to catch hell from, if you know what I mean? It doesn't seem like much now but it sure seemed like a real pain in the keister at the time.

No, I don't mean to say she was the pain, it was just the catching hell, if you know what I mean. And I was no walk in the park, right? You don't have to just take my word for that, you can ask just about anyone here. Haw! I know there's been a lot of fuss and bother, but there's one thing I'll swear on a stack of Bibles - I'm a better man now. It's funny. Just one thing, and and it can change your whole outlook on life.

When I first heard about the highway I thought it would be a good idea. you know, get some folks coming through here, spend a few dollars, how can that hurt?

One small step.